stop “shoulding all over yourself”

I was in a training session with Brian Parsley of and he gave an interesting example to the group.

It was about the difference between commitment and trying. Parsley used this example:

How would you feel if you turned to your spouse-to-be and said, “Honey, do you promise to be faithful to me?” And the response was:

  •     Well I’ll try.
  •     I know I should.
  •     I’ll do my best.

Of course people laughed. The thought of this was absurd, but it is a great demonstration of what we do every day to disempower our relationships and ourselves.

My experience has shown me that when I’m shoulding… I’m accepting other peoples ideas, values, whatever – as my own, even though I haven’t actually bought into it.

Basically I’m doing something because someone else thinks it is important. If I’m lucky, I do it well for a while – typically I give up though. If I’m not lucky, I either am filled with resentment or don’t execute the ideas because I don’t believe them.

So stop “shoulding all over yourself” and take control of your life.

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